A Blanket of Self Pity

There is a part of me that wants to curl up in a ball and cry. 

A has been gone for 7 days, 5 hours, and 3 mins, and is still uncertain as to when he will return home from his work trip.  It is likely that it will be another week before I get to see him.   The indeterminate amount of time he will continue to be away weighs heavy on my heart.  With our married life falling into a routine, I had almost forgotten how much I rely on being able to tell A about my day and feel his strong arms around me.  It makes his absence seem even bigger. 

Now I am not one to admit that I need help, or that I am dependent upon another person.  But I rely on A and his presence in my life.  At first, I was angry frustrated at this revelation.  I don't need another person to be happy, I survived just fine before him, but now I feel that something important is missing when he is gone.  

And to top it off, I started feeling sick today.  My throat and ears ache and I find myself wrapped in a blanket of self pity. I am home. alone. sick.

It may seem silly as my life is really not that bad.  I know many a military spouse who has it far worse than I, and people who struggle with illness much more severe than a cold.  But tonight I do not find comfort in these thoughts.  I am like a small child who only wants one thing and nothing else will make them happy. 

I want A home to take care of me. 

Project 52

I have an obsession with making lists.  I make lists for everything.  To-Do lists, Bill Paying lists, Shopping lists, Gift lists, lists of lists.... it goes on.  I am even guilty of adding things to my lists just so I can cross it off.  I believe this is an inherited trait that comes from my mother as she is also an avid list maker.

So, it should come as no surprise that I love the idea of Project 52.  If you are not familiar with this concept,  it is courtesy of A Peek at Karen's World.  Here is how she explains it.
There are 52 weeks in a year. We are challenging you to do something with those 52 weeks. Something you might not have done otherwise. It can be one big goal or 100 little ones.


And here is my list of the 52 things I am going to do this year (or at least try to)

1. Work on scrapbooks once a month
2. Read a book on management
3. Attend trainings for work
4. Pay off the Malibu
5. Pay off our credit card debit
6. Get my passport
7. Try one new recipe a month
8. Go camping at least 4 times 
9. Be a better friend to my girls - more calls, e-mails, etc.
10. Visit 5 new restaurants
11. Make and follow a budget
12. Use my crock pot once a month
13. Create an emergency fund so we don't need to rely on our credit cards
14. Grow an herb garden
15. Have a date night once a month
16. Take a daily multivitamin
17. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
18. Learn to juggle
19. Take a Segway tour
20. Read one classic novel
21. Host Brunch
22. Travel somewhere I have never been before
23. Work out three times a week
24. Learn how to separate work and home
25. Write one Thank-You a month
26. Purge our place of useless clutter
27. Start doing yoga again 
28. Go to a drive-in movie theater with A
29. Start "The Great Escape" with my college girlfriends instead of just talking about it
30. Read 12 new books
31. Buy a new piece of furniture 
32. Go fishing with A at least once 
33. Stop being so critical of myself and others
34. Get new glasses
35. Make bread from scratch 
36. Make our faith a greater priority
37. Do a walk/run for charity
38. Start a One Line a Day journal
39. Make homemade granola
40. Eat healthier - more fruits and veggies and less processed food
41. Eat dinner at the table with the TV off most days of the week
42. Watch less TV
43. Pray Daily
44. Learn to knit
45. Get pregnant 
46. Make the bed every morning
47. See a live performance (play, musical, concert)
48. Go golfing with A at least once 
49. Complete 5 random acts of kindness
50. Laugh Daily
51. Have more patience 
52. Donate $5 for any item not completed

I can't wait to start crossing things off!

Valentine's Day!

I will proudly admit that I love Valentine's Day.  The candy hearts, flowers, red and pink frosted cookies and cakes, the little paper valentines with cute sayings...all of it invokes warm fuzzy feelings.  


This year, A and I agreed that we would not exchange gifts.  So a few days before v-day, I went to the store and milled over the various cards to find the perfect one to express how I feel.  It took some time, but I found the perfect card for our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife.   


On the eve of the big day, A surprised me with an early Valentine's Day gift.  And though it broke the rule of not exchanging gifts, I greedily took the box and opened it.  He had got me a new chain for the cross he had bought me previously, because I had broke my last one and had not been able to wear it.  A knew I had been missing it and wanted me to be able to wear my cross on our dinner date the next evening.  His thoughtfulness was another reminder of why I am so in love with him.  


Monday came and though I was still not sure where he had made reservations for dinner, I felt I had it narrowed down to a possible three: Palmer's, The Melting Pot, (I had been dropping not so subtle hints about wanting to go there), and Kurt's, which is our standing favorite.  It ended up being Kurt's.  I was thrilled that it was one of my three possibilities, as I like to be right.  As always, the food was delicious.  We had the bruschetta (which is a must), deep fried dinner rolls, Lobster Bisque, and steaks (I had the petite fillet and A had a rib-eye).  I think the last time we went out alone for a "nice" dinner was the week we got married, so it was wonderful to have some "us" time away from our daily lives.  


It was probably  the best Valentine's Days I have had, with just enough of the commercialization, the comfort of being with someone who truly knows me, and the thrill of having a day dedicated to celebrating how much you love those around you.  


Happy Valentine's Day!

Recipe of the Month

I made these for an early Valentine's Day breakfast and they were a big hit.  I halved the recipe to only make six and also substituted pre-cooked bacon to make it a little faster/simpler.  

Maple Toast and Eggs

• Ingredients:
• 12 bacon strips, diced
• 1/2 cup maple syrup
• 1/4 cup butter
• 12 slices firm-textured white bread
• 12 eggs
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

• In a large skillet, cook bacon over medium heat until crisp. Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels to drain. In a small saucepan, heat syrup and butter until butter is melted; set aside.
• Trim crust from bread; flatten slices with a rolling pin. Brush one side generously with syrup mixture; press each slice into an ungreased muffin cup with syrup side down. Divide bacon among muffin cups.
• Carefully break one egg into each cup. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover with foil. Bake at 400° for 18-20 minutes or until the eggs are completely cooked through. Serve immediately. Yield: 12 cups.

Both the recipe and photo are from Taste of Home