A Blanket of Self Pity

There is a part of me that wants to curl up in a ball and cry. 

A has been gone for 7 days, 5 hours, and 3 mins, and is still uncertain as to when he will return home from his work trip.  It is likely that it will be another week before I get to see him.   The indeterminate amount of time he will continue to be away weighs heavy on my heart.  With our married life falling into a routine, I had almost forgotten how much I rely on being able to tell A about my day and feel his strong arms around me.  It makes his absence seem even bigger. 

Now I am not one to admit that I need help, or that I am dependent upon another person.  But I rely on A and his presence in my life.  At first, I was angry frustrated at this revelation.  I don't need another person to be happy, I survived just fine before him, but now I feel that something important is missing when he is gone.  

And to top it off, I started feeling sick today.  My throat and ears ache and I find myself wrapped in a blanket of self pity. I am home. alone. sick.

It may seem silly as my life is really not that bad.  I know many a military spouse who has it far worse than I, and people who struggle with illness much more severe than a cold.  But tonight I do not find comfort in these thoughts.  I am like a small child who only wants one thing and nothing else will make them happy. 

I want A home to take care of me.