Hello, Goodbye

Goodbye 2013

At the start of a new year, I always end up reflecting on all that has happened.  2013 was definitely a year filled with joy and struggles.  The year saw four of my friends get engaged, friends lose husbands, fathers, grandparents, friends.  There were multiple babies and pregnancies, college graduations, injury and illness of loved ones, the blessing of full-time jobs and raises, vacations and time with friends.  

In 2013, we went to two Packer games.  We watched fireworks on the beach.  We celebrated our third anniversary.  We camped in our camper by ourselves for the first time since we owned it.  We were blessed with a healthy pregnancy and the exciting future of becoming parents.  We prepared for the death of Andy's mom, only to be reminded that God is the one in control and He has decided to leave her with us for awhile (what a blessing and miracle that is!).  We grew a lot this year as a couple and as individuals.

This year I grieved for friends, some that I had drifted from, as they felt the extreme pain of loss to those closest to them.  I caught my first Large Mouth Bass.  I learned more about the food we eat and how scary it is to be ignorant about it.  I finally found peace this year with my father's passing, feeling a different kind of sadness when the anniversary came around.  I built new friendships.  I created new memories with old friends.  I got a Kitchen Aid mixer :) 

Hello 2014

2014 is a blank slate, stretched out ahead of us.  Some of us have huge milestones (both good and bad) coming up this year: weddings, babies, graduations, career changes, first holidays without loved ones.  But even with these events, surprises lay ahead of all of us.  I think that is why I love the new year so much, not because I am suddenly going to start working out everyday or learn a new skill, but because it is a natural starting point of all that life has to offer.  If I was reminded of one lesson this year, it is what a blessing time is.  It is never guaranteed.  It is never promised to us.  It is one of the greatest gifts we can ever receive.

May this year bless you with the gift of time.  

Happy New Year!

 

A Place to Start

It always amazes me how fast time gets away from me.  I have been meaning to post for awhile, but the time just hasn't been there. Well, where should I start?

We just finished our first quarter of the school year and it is crazy to think it is November (which means I didn't post at all in October, yikes!). This weekend I will be curled up working on report cards.  Luckily Andy is getting the "cabin" ready for hunting so I won't feel guilty about working at home.  Our apartment is in dire need of a good cleaning due to the cold that has taken over my life this week.  Hopefully I will find a little time to clean this weekend as well.  

Two weeks ago, we did our final camping trip of the season with my mom and Dave. It was COLD!  Not only that, but the park had already turned off the water for the year, so we had pit toilets and hand water pumps.  Even with that it was a beautiful weekend.  We were able to enjoy the sound of the waves on the shore of Lake Michigan.  The air was crisp but the sun felt warm.  In the evenings we were blessed with visitors, Andy's Dad and Step-mom stopped by and so did my sister and her family.  It was calming and relaxing, which is what we needed after the weeks we had just had.  

Camping at Kohler-Andre State Park

The weekend before that, we also went to the Packer Game. It was so warm that I sat in the stands in just a t-shirt.  This was a big difference from the games we have attended before, which were always in January.  

Andy's Cousin, Andy, and me at Lambeau Field

Of course, life also has its challenges.  Andy's mom had been battling MDS or myelodysplastic syndromes  (the same disease Robin Roberts had).  A few weeks later, it progressed into Leukemia   She stayed in the hospital for a few weeks to undergo intense chemotherapy.  We spent many nights visiting her, which brought back a lot of memories of visiting my dad there. She is currently resting at home and now we play the waiting game.  The chemo destroyed her white blood cells and now she has to wait for them to come back.  She is pretty defenseless against disease  so I haven't been able to visit her at all (that same cold I have been fighting has kept me away).  Andy has gone a few times, and so has his sister, but have had to wear a mask.  Yesterday her white blood cells had finally increased by 1%!  A small victory, but definitely exciting to see any improvement! We continue to pray for her recovery and thank everyone for their support and prayers over the last couple months.   

So, I figured this month I would do 30 days of being thankful to help us focus on huge blessings we have.  I will post for the week though instead of posting everyday.  Hopefully that will help get me back on track :)   

Sports Injury

This week my husband turned to me and said, "Did you know that your index finger is a very important finger?"  Why this revalation, you ask.  While, when Andy was playing softball last week he fielded a ground ball and the ball bounced out of the glove and hit his finger and then his chest.  He come home with his finger swollen to twice its normal and the swelling didn't seem to be going down. 

It only took me two days to convince him (which means it must have REALLY been bothering him) that it was most likely not just a bad sprain and he needed to go to the Dr.  He finally went on Friday and it turns out he broke his index finger straight through the tip, not across, but through! 

There is not much they will do for a broken finger so he has to keep it in a splint for 4-6 weeks and then see an orthopedic.  If he wouldn't have gone in, his finger would have healed with the tip of his finger in a permanent downward position.  That would mean he would have two "funky fingers".  Hopefully it will be a fast recovery for him since it slows him down at work and with his side-jobs.  

                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Help, I need Somebody,

Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.

~ The Beatles 

Oh how the words of this song have ruled my life the last five weeks.  Yep, that is how long it has been since I have my bunioectomy.  Those of you that know me well, know that depending on others is not a strong suite for me.  Over the years, I have grown to be fiercely independent.  It is hard for me to allow people to do things for me.  Thoughts run through my head like "I can do it myself," "Do you think I can't do it," What if you don't do it my way," or worse, "What if you let me down."  I find it is just easier less anxiety inducing for me to do it on my own.

In the last five weeks, I have not had the luxury of doing things on my own.  My recovery has left me unable to do most things without assistance.  Crutches prevent me from being able to carry most things, including my morning cup of coffee.  I've been unable to help with the majority of household tasks, so I need to rely on A to do everything from dishes, to vacuuming, to laundry.  And I haven't been able to drive anywhere, but need to find rides or ask people to pick things up for me.  This last one has been the worst most challenging for me.  

There are things to be learned from this experience.  I have had to humble myself and ask for what I need.  I have learned that people are kind and giving, and will lend a hand in any way they can.  I have learned that no one can read my mind, especially not A, and that I need to just use my voice to communicate what I need, instead of getting frustrated.

Hopefully, my recovery is nearing it's end, and for a month or so I will be able to do things on my own again.  During that time, I will rejoice in the ability to drive places, bask in the warmth of doing my own laundry, and happily carry my morning coffee.  Then, once again, I will need to ask for "Help!"  Maybe it will be easier the second time around.

Foot Frustrations

I have had bunions my whole life.  Ok, so maybe not my WHOLE life, but as long as I can remember.  Most of the time I forget I have them, unless I want a really cute pair of shoes, or I bump one of them really hard.  Since not everyone is familiar with bunions, I will take a minute to explain.  One of the joints of my big toe is sliding out of place.  This causes the bone to create a "bump' on the outside of my foot.  If you were to look at an x-ray, my feet look like this:

 (Image from www.bestpodiatristnyc.com)

My right bunion has recently become red and irritated, so I called and scheduled an appointment with my podiatrist.  The last time I saw him was when I was in middle school.  I needed insoles made so I could run track without my feet being in tremendous pain.  Even back when I last saw him, I was told that surgery was in my future. 

Turns out that the future is now.  I am at a point where they are so severe that his recommendation is to have the surgery within six months.  If I wait, I would end up with arthritis in my feet at a young age and need to have prosthetic joints put in.  Since they are so severe, I will need to have surgery on each foot at a separate time.  My first surgery will be on April 2nd which will allow me to be off my feet for two weeks, as required. The rest of the recovery will take 6-8 weeks.  

It has been a frustrating couple of weeks.  Though this surgery is far from serious, it is hard to think about the inconveniences that will occur and I hate do not like having to rely on others, which I will have to do.  Finding a time that I could fit in both surgeries was difficult as well since I do not want to take off from work (since most of it would have to be unpaid) and waiting until the summer means working around my mission trip (missing it is not an option).  I am starting to find my peace with it, and know that in the long run I will reap the benefits.  It just...well, it just sucks! 



 

Young, Fabulous, and...broke?

We are not actually broke, but some days it feels like it.  When I switched jobs, we knew I would have to take a drastic pay decrease.  I crunched the numbers and decided that having to limit our spending a little (ok, a lot) was worth loving my job again.  Things started out ok and A took on some side jobs to help make ends meet.  We have, however, incurred some additional expenses that we had not planned on.  These things can never be planned for, but it can make for some scary and stressful times (I am sure some of you can relate to the stress finances can cause).  And with the holidays, side jobs for A are pretty much non-existent...Anyone need a painter? ;)  So 2012 is starting out a little on the difficult side financially.

Last year, I was set on bringing our debt down and creating an emergency savings account.  Let's just say that didn't happen.  I had the best of intentions, but was unwilling to give up the quality of life A and I had been accustomed to.  The choices we made brought us to this point and so only we can make the changes necessary to improve it.  In order to be comfortable in the future, we are going to have to make some sacrifices in the present.          

This year, one of my challenges goals will be to find ways to live more simply and cut costs to help us improve our financial situation and our lives overall.  We took the first step this year by growing a garden, and I froze some salsa and tomato sauce with our harvest.  I plan on attempting this again this year and hopefully learning how to can even more items.

I am currently looking into homemade laundry soap and household cleaners.  I like this idea not only because it will save us money, but because it is better for us and the environment.  It seems like a win, win.  I will be sure to keep you posted when I try these out in case you are interested in trying them out yourself.

Let me know if you have any other ideas to help us live more simply (and fiscally responsibly) over the next year.   

The Imperfect Friendship

Friends play a pivotal role in our lives.  Some of us have many and some of us have one or two key players.  I find that I am somewhere in the middle.  I have friends who play different roles, but all are very important.

Recently I have been reflecting on the growing pains that come with any friendship.  Like any relationship, friendship is never perfect.  There are periods were things are wonderful and you can not imagine your life without them.  And then there are times when there is distance, or periods of absence, where the friendship is left to grow in the wild, untended.  And then we go back to it, pull up the weeds, trim away the undergrowth, and it is new again.

Many of those absences have been caused either by physical distance, or by the fact that we struggle with what happens in our own lives.  At times, it is hard to except the things that have happened to us.  There have been times of struggle, times of bad choices, times of things said that shouldn't have been.  We accept these mistakes in our friends.  I personally struggle with accepting them in myself.  I focus on when I embarrassed myself, or when I wasn't able to be by their side, or even when I haven't called in awhile.  I think, who would want to be friends with someone who acts like that.

It is just recently that I have been able to accept that my friends love me for who I am.  That even though I am far from a perfect friend, they will be there, and that is the joy of friendship.  Accepting the imperfectness of each other and facing life, knowing you have those who support you no matter what mistakes you may make.

Friends are what make the rough roads passable and the blessings even joyous.  

A Rough Road...

At more then one point in the last six months I hated my job.  This was not the normal dislike most of us have experienced at some point in our lives.  This was full on loathing. 

I would lay in bed in the morning convincing myself that I had to get up and go to work.  Positive thoughts ran through my head: "It's not so bad".  "We need the money".  I've worked hard to get here".  "Maybe today won't be so bad".

I am enough of a realist to know that everyone has days that they would rather stay curled up in bed then face another day at work.  I also know that I shouldn't feel that way the 99% of the time.  In fact, the feeling of dread was so common, I couldn't remember the last time I didn't need a pep talk.  

So over the last few months, internal battles were waged and I was left emotionally drained.   "Would I really be happier doing something else?  Do I just not like working?  Other people have to do things they don't like, why should I be different?  What's wrong with me?  We need the money, I need to just suck it up for a few more years.  I can't let A down."

I decided it was time to move on.  This was a decision that was easier said then done.  I applied for jobs...I applied for a lot of jobs.  And I had a handful of interviews that didn't pan out.  And then months later, it happened.

I had an interview for a part-time teaching position.   I interviewed.  Got a second interview.  And was hired.  I was thrilled!  I was going to do what I truly wanted to do! I felt liberated!

A did not. 

He, understandably, was concerned with the financial aspect of my decision.  The negative thing about going form a well-paying full time job to part-time job is a substantial cut in income.  This led to a few weeks of tension in our household. 

However, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful opportunity to not only teach, but to teach in a community in which I can share my faith.  It is an opportunity that I can not pass up even though it will mean some sacrifice in the coming year.  I strongly believe that I need to be doing something that allows me to use the talents God has given me.  Besides, in my gut, this decision just felt feels right.