A Rough Road...

At more then one point in the last six months I hated my job.  This was not the normal dislike most of us have experienced at some point in our lives.  This was full on loathing. 

I would lay in bed in the morning convincing myself that I had to get up and go to work.  Positive thoughts ran through my head: "It's not so bad".  "We need the money".  I've worked hard to get here".  "Maybe today won't be so bad".

I am enough of a realist to know that everyone has days that they would rather stay curled up in bed then face another day at work.  I also know that I shouldn't feel that way the 99% of the time.  In fact, the feeling of dread was so common, I couldn't remember the last time I didn't need a pep talk.  

So over the last few months, internal battles were waged and I was left emotionally drained.   "Would I really be happier doing something else?  Do I just not like working?  Other people have to do things they don't like, why should I be different?  What's wrong with me?  We need the money, I need to just suck it up for a few more years.  I can't let A down."

I decided it was time to move on.  This was a decision that was easier said then done.  I applied for jobs...I applied for a lot of jobs.  And I had a handful of interviews that didn't pan out.  And then months later, it happened.

I had an interview for a part-time teaching position.   I interviewed.  Got a second interview.  And was hired.  I was thrilled!  I was going to do what I truly wanted to do! I felt liberated!

A did not. 

He, understandably, was concerned with the financial aspect of my decision.  The negative thing about going form a well-paying full time job to part-time job is a substantial cut in income.  This led to a few weeks of tension in our household. 

However, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful opportunity to not only teach, but to teach in a community in which I can share my faith.  It is an opportunity that I can not pass up even though it will mean some sacrifice in the coming year.  I strongly believe that I need to be doing something that allows me to use the talents God has given me.  Besides, in my gut, this decision just felt feels right. 


 

 

   

Project 52 ~ 2 Month Update

It has been a two months since I made my list of 52 things to do this year.  I figured it would help hold me accountable if I shared both my successes and failures works is progress.  As you can see, some have been going much better than others.

Success!

• Attend trainings for work (MACC Conference; Intro. to Leading Others, Intro. to Fiscal Management)
• Try one new recipe a month (I even bought a new cookbook to make this even easier)
• Be a better friend to my girls - more calls, e-mails, etc. 
• Create an emergency fund so we don't need to rely on our credit cards (We have not only created an emergency fund, but have had to use it)
• Read one classic novel (Read Jane Eyre)
• Learn how to separate work and home 
• Start "The Great Escape" with my college girlfriends instead of just talking about it (Trip is planned for August)
• Get new glasses (Sooner than I planned due to necessity of eye allergy, see earlier post
• Use my crock pot once a month

Work In Progress...

• Pay off the Malibu 
• Pay off our credit card debit
• Go camping at least 4 times (We haven't gone yet, but we have two trips set up)
• Visit 5 new restaurants (We tried out JC Bogars and loved it.  Only 4 more to go!)
• Make and follow a budget (We made a budget, but we are still getting used to following one
• Take a daily multivitamin (Most days I am pretty good, but still working on it)
• Read 12 new books (Read 2 so far, 10 to go)
• Do a walk/run for charity (Set up a Relay for Life team and the event is in June)
• Start a One Line a Day journal (Started, just haven't been keeping up with it)
• Have a date night once a month (Haven't been very intentional about this one, even though we have done some things just the two of us)
• Make the bed every morning (Started out strong but the last two weeks have been an "Epic Failure")

Left To Complete 

• Work on scrapbooks once a month
• Read a book on management
• Get my passport
• Grow an herb garden
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day
• Learn to juggle
• Take a Segway tour
• Host Brunch
• Travel somewhere I have never been before
• Work out three times a week
• Write one Thank-You a month
• Purge our place of useless clutter
• Start doing yoga again 
• Go to a drive-in movie theater with A
• Buy a new piece of furniture 
• Go fishing with A at least once 
• Stop being so critical of myself and others
• Make bread from scratch 
• Make our faith a greater priority
• Make homemade granola
• Eat healthier - more fruits and veggies and less processed food
• Eat dinner at the table with the TV off most days of the week
• Watch less TV
• Pray Daily
• Learn to knit
• Get pregnant
• See a live performance (play, musical, concert)
• Go golfing with A at least once 
• Complete 5 random acts of kindness
• Laugh Daily
• Have more patience 
• Donate $5 for any item not completed

The G.O.S.P.E.L.

I thought this was too powerful not to share.  Happy Easter!

Three for Thursday

1.  My eyes are allergic to something.  The eye doctor was not sure what, but explained that my contacts have been trapping the allergens and causing issues with my eyes.  She asked if I had insurance and then she prescribed me some eye drops with the disclaimer that "without insurance they are a little expensive".  Um...they were a little expensive with insurance!  We paid $80 for a bottle of eye drops that is smaller than a thimble.  All I have to say is that these drops better work some miracles!

2.  Wednesday I started my day by dropping my travel coffee mug on the floor when I opened the door to the garage.  Don't worry, it didn't spill a little bit.  No, the lid popped right off and emptied its entire contents onto the floor in a flood of hot brown liquid.  I stood there in my rain boots in a pool of coffee thinking "now what".

3.  Not only did Wednesday start off in a less then positive way, but it got worse before it got better.  There is an elderly lady that works for me that is just a fabulous lady.  She is positive and kind and all the kids and staff love her.  On Tuesday, she took a fall going from the garage to her house and has been unconscious ever since.  She had a lot of bleeding in her brain and the doctors are not very optimistic.  So I am ending this post with the hope that everyone will keep her and her family in their prayers.  

Great Expectations?

I am having one of those weeks in which I feel I'm falling short of everyone's expectations.  There is a laundry list of items I need to improve on:

• be a better homemaker
• practice my faith A LOT more 
• go to the gym
• watch less TV
• don't take it out on A when I am crabby 
• put passion back into my work
• send out the last of my thank you cards

...and the list goes on.  

As it turns out, the only expectations that I can't live up to are my own.  Upon further reflection, I realize that is because, at the moment, they are ridiculously high.  I am not sure anyone could live up to my expectations.  

Maybe what I need to learn is that my greatest expectation should be for me to become comfortable with my true self.  It is hard to accept our shortcomings and focus on what our primary purpose truly is.  Maybe I am not ment to keep the perfect house because I am supposed to spend more time with those I love.  Maybe my "lived in" apartment is just a perfect reflection of my personality.  Somewhat of a mess at times, comfortable and organized in its own way.  

I need to realize that I have different strengths to balance me out my weaknesses.  I tend to focus more on what I should be rather than what I am.  There is a balance that needs to be struck between improving one's self and changing oneself into someone they are not.  In the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make if I don't fold up my blanket before I go to bed?  

Maybe my priorities are out of whack.  I find myself being overly concerned with saving money to  improve our lives, wondering if I am trendy enough, wishing we could travel more, and what people think of me.  I dwell on wither or not I said something stupid, or if I acted too eager for someone's friendship, or if I am perceived as annoying at times.  Maybe I should be focusing on being the kindest, most genuine person I can be.  Maybe I should be focusing on serving others and following in the footsteps of those who have led by example.  

I guess the greatest expectation is to come to terms with the person we are and "be the best version of yourself".  Now I just have to figure out how to get there.         

Three for Thursday

1. After being married for six months, I got finally went to get a driver's license in my married name.  I had been dreading going because it seemed like a long drive, even though it is the commute I used to make everyday.  I decided today was the day.  I drove all the way there to find a deserted building with two orange cones blocking the driveway.  Apparently, when we moved, so did the DMV.  Unfortunately I had no idea where they moved to.  I was able to look up the address on my phone but since it was a new building the GPS could not find it.  After an additional hour of driving around in the general area it should be, I finally arrived at the DMV, only to find out that the average wait time was 43 minutes.  I walked out 35 mins later with a new drivers license with an ok picture.  Now I just have to update my credit cards.     
2. A likes to make up creative walks.   Every time he does one it makes me laugh.  I am laughing now just thinking about it.  He will add hopes, twirls, and arm flourishes.  I can't really explain it.  You would have to see it for yourself.  
3. Yesterday I was hit with the realization that I have a very poor recipe base.  I was at the grocery store and I was trying to decide what to make for dinner.  All that came to mind was meatloaf.  I walked through the meat department to see if that would inspire me, in fact I walked through it three times, and all I came up with was meatloaf.  I am saddened by the fact that I know very few recipes by heart.  Does it mean I don't cook enough?  Didn't our mother's know how to make meals without a cookbook?  Why can't I think of anything to make for dinner!?!  

     

A Happy Return

Last night I waited anxiously for A to call with the "we're twenty minutes away" phone call that would have me jumping in the car to go meet him.  The plan was that I would meet him and W where I dropped him off and then A and I would go out for dinner.  However, that was not the way the night unfolded.  Instead, I got ready and waited for his call.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And as I started to get impatient, the door buzzer rang.  Immediately, I began to search my brain for who it could be.  Was my mom planning on stopping by?  Did my BFF decided to make a quick visit?  Was it someone from the building?  

But it was A's voice on the other end and I walked out the door to see A, standing in the cold surrounded by all his luggage with a huge grin on his face.  It might have been the best thing I have ever seen!

I couldn't wait to get down the stairs to open the door.  I can't explain how amazing it was to hear his voice and see his face.  So instead of going out for dinner, we had chinese food from our favorite place and A showed me all the great stuff he brought back.  And as much as I loved the gifts and the stories, I was just happy to have him there with me.  His presence filled our home and made everything as it should be.    

All this time a part made me grateful for all the time we are together.  I have an even greater respect for those that spend time away from their families to serve our country.  And I am grateful that my husband does not travel all that often. So as our life resumes it's normal routine, I hope to remain a little more aware of A's wonderful presence in my life.