The Imperfect Friendship

Friends play a pivotal role in our lives.  Some of us have many and some of us have one or two key players.  I find that I am somewhere in the middle.  I have friends who play different roles, but all are very important.

Recently I have been reflecting on the growing pains that come with any friendship.  Like any relationship, friendship is never perfect.  There are periods were things are wonderful and you can not imagine your life without them.  And then there are times when there is distance, or periods of absence, where the friendship is left to grow in the wild, untended.  And then we go back to it, pull up the weeds, trim away the undergrowth, and it is new again.

Many of those absences have been caused either by physical distance, or by the fact that we struggle with what happens in our own lives.  At times, it is hard to except the things that have happened to us.  There have been times of struggle, times of bad choices, times of things said that shouldn't have been.  We accept these mistakes in our friends.  I personally struggle with accepting them in myself.  I focus on when I embarrassed myself, or when I wasn't able to be by their side, or even when I haven't called in awhile.  I think, who would want to be friends with someone who acts like that.

It is just recently that I have been able to accept that my friends love me for who I am.  That even though I am far from a perfect friend, they will be there, and that is the joy of friendship.  Accepting the imperfectness of each other and facing life, knowing you have those who support you no matter what mistakes you may make.

Friends are what make the rough roads passable and the blessings even joyous.  

Living Within Our Means

Now that our financial situation has drastically changed, we are trying to be strict about our budget.  This is much easier said than done.  A and I have had a budget since we first got married but we were never good at following it.  We spent what we wanted and figured it would all work out.  And it always did. 

The time has come for us to actually follow a budget.  It is paramount to our financial survival and we need to ensure we have enough money to cover all our bills.  On paper, I have been able to figure out how we can makes things work and perhaps even save a little.  The biggest hurdle now is to follow it.

It is a challenge to learn to live within your means in a society that focuses on getting you to spend in excess.  In the next year, we won't want for food, clothing, housing, heat, water, or any main necessities.  For that we have much to be grateful for.  But I know it will be challenging to give up the "extra" spending for awhile so we can work towards our future.

I can't thank A enough for allowing me to take a job that is in my best interest, but puts us in a bit of a financial strain.  I hope this year will help us grow in our marriage and learn what we truly need and to be thankful for what we have.  


     

August in Review

Book Read: Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin and Goodbye, Jimmy Choo by Annie Sanders
I would recommend both (though the first one was a little tough for a newly married women to get through).

New Recipe: Crispy Bacon and Hash Brown Quesadillas with Eggs from Brunch at Bobby's
Love, Love, Love this recipe!  Bobby uses quail eggs but I used regular eggs and it was still delicious.  Beware of cutting the pablono.  I thought I washed my hands enough but when I rubbed my eye later, my eye soon felt like it was on fire.  It was a rough half hour.     

Crock Pot Recipe: Scalloped Potatoes and Ham (I halved it for just A and I)
10 Medium potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced               1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
3 cups cubed fully cooked ham                                      1/2 teaspoon paprika
2 large onions, thinly sliced                                            1/4 teaspoon pepper
2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

In greased 6-qt slow cooker, layer half of the potatoes, ham, onions and cheese.  Repeat layers.  Pour soup over top.  Sprinkle with paprika and pepper.  Cover and cook on low 8-10 hours. Yield 9 servings

Other things to cross off my list: 

• went camping (only 3 to go)
• ate at Paul Bunyan's Cook Shanty in WI Dells for first time (3:5 new restaurants) 
• make and follow a budget (getting better at both!)  
• completed our first Great Escape and it was a blast
• went fishing with A and realized I am way to empathetic to enjoy it.  I just feel so bad for the fish.
• herb garden is growing strong and I am going to try and keep it going inside this winter
• completed Relay for Life 
• make the bed every morning (with just a couple exception) 

A Rough Road...

At more then one point in the last six months I hated my job.  This was not the normal dislike most of us have experienced at some point in our lives.  This was full on loathing. 

I would lay in bed in the morning convincing myself that I had to get up and go to work.  Positive thoughts ran through my head: "It's not so bad".  "We need the money".  I've worked hard to get here".  "Maybe today won't be so bad".

I am enough of a realist to know that everyone has days that they would rather stay curled up in bed then face another day at work.  I also know that I shouldn't feel that way the 99% of the time.  In fact, the feeling of dread was so common, I couldn't remember the last time I didn't need a pep talk.  

So over the last few months, internal battles were waged and I was left emotionally drained.   "Would I really be happier doing something else?  Do I just not like working?  Other people have to do things they don't like, why should I be different?  What's wrong with me?  We need the money, I need to just suck it up for a few more years.  I can't let A down."

I decided it was time to move on.  This was a decision that was easier said then done.  I applied for jobs...I applied for a lot of jobs.  And I had a handful of interviews that didn't pan out.  And then months later, it happened.

I had an interview for a part-time teaching position.   I interviewed.  Got a second interview.  And was hired.  I was thrilled!  I was going to do what I truly wanted to do! I felt liberated!

A did not. 

He, understandably, was concerned with the financial aspect of my decision.  The negative thing about going form a well-paying full time job to part-time job is a substantial cut in income.  This led to a few weeks of tension in our household. 

However, the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful opportunity to not only teach, but to teach in a community in which I can share my faith.  It is an opportunity that I can not pass up even though it will mean some sacrifice in the coming year.  I strongly believe that I need to be doing something that allows me to use the talents God has given me.  Besides, in my gut, this decision just felt feels right. 


 

 

   

Project 52 ~ 2 Month Update

It has been a two months since I made my list of 52 things to do this year.  I figured it would help hold me accountable if I shared both my successes and failures works is progress.  As you can see, some have been going much better than others.

Success!

• Attend trainings for work (MACC Conference; Intro. to Leading Others, Intro. to Fiscal Management)
• Try one new recipe a month (I even bought a new cookbook to make this even easier)
• Be a better friend to my girls - more calls, e-mails, etc. 
• Create an emergency fund so we don't need to rely on our credit cards (We have not only created an emergency fund, but have had to use it)
• Read one classic novel (Read Jane Eyre)
• Learn how to separate work and home 
• Start "The Great Escape" with my college girlfriends instead of just talking about it (Trip is planned for August)
• Get new glasses (Sooner than I planned due to necessity of eye allergy, see earlier post
• Use my crock pot once a month

Work In Progress...

• Pay off the Malibu 
• Pay off our credit card debit
• Go camping at least 4 times (We haven't gone yet, but we have two trips set up)
• Visit 5 new restaurants (We tried out JC Bogars and loved it.  Only 4 more to go!)
• Make and follow a budget (We made a budget, but we are still getting used to following one
• Take a daily multivitamin (Most days I am pretty good, but still working on it)
• Read 12 new books (Read 2 so far, 10 to go)
• Do a walk/run for charity (Set up a Relay for Life team and the event is in June)
• Start a One Line a Day journal (Started, just haven't been keeping up with it)
• Have a date night once a month (Haven't been very intentional about this one, even though we have done some things just the two of us)
• Make the bed every morning (Started out strong but the last two weeks have been an "Epic Failure")

Left To Complete 

• Work on scrapbooks once a month
• Read a book on management
• Get my passport
• Grow an herb garden
• Drink 8 glasses of water a day
• Learn to juggle
• Take a Segway tour
• Host Brunch
• Travel somewhere I have never been before
• Work out three times a week
• Write one Thank-You a month
• Purge our place of useless clutter
• Start doing yoga again 
• Go to a drive-in movie theater with A
• Buy a new piece of furniture 
• Go fishing with A at least once 
• Stop being so critical of myself and others
• Make bread from scratch 
• Make our faith a greater priority
• Make homemade granola
• Eat healthier - more fruits and veggies and less processed food
• Eat dinner at the table with the TV off most days of the week
• Watch less TV
• Pray Daily
• Learn to knit
• Get pregnant
• See a live performance (play, musical, concert)
• Go golfing with A at least once 
• Complete 5 random acts of kindness
• Laugh Daily
• Have more patience 
• Donate $5 for any item not completed

The G.O.S.P.E.L.

I thought this was too powerful not to share.  Happy Easter!

Three for Thursday

1.  My eyes are allergic to something.  The eye doctor was not sure what, but explained that my contacts have been trapping the allergens and causing issues with my eyes.  She asked if I had insurance and then she prescribed me some eye drops with the disclaimer that "without insurance they are a little expensive".  Um...they were a little expensive with insurance!  We paid $80 for a bottle of eye drops that is smaller than a thimble.  All I have to say is that these drops better work some miracles!

2.  Wednesday I started my day by dropping my travel coffee mug on the floor when I opened the door to the garage.  Don't worry, it didn't spill a little bit.  No, the lid popped right off and emptied its entire contents onto the floor in a flood of hot brown liquid.  I stood there in my rain boots in a pool of coffee thinking "now what".

3.  Not only did Wednesday start off in a less then positive way, but it got worse before it got better.  There is an elderly lady that works for me that is just a fabulous lady.  She is positive and kind and all the kids and staff love her.  On Tuesday, she took a fall going from the garage to her house and has been unconscious ever since.  She had a lot of bleeding in her brain and the doctors are not very optimistic.  So I am ending this post with the hope that everyone will keep her and her family in their prayers.  

Great Expectations?

I am having one of those weeks in which I feel I'm falling short of everyone's expectations.  There is a laundry list of items I need to improve on:

• be a better homemaker
• practice my faith A LOT more 
• go to the gym
• watch less TV
• don't take it out on A when I am crabby 
• put passion back into my work
• send out the last of my thank you cards

...and the list goes on.  

As it turns out, the only expectations that I can't live up to are my own.  Upon further reflection, I realize that is because, at the moment, they are ridiculously high.  I am not sure anyone could live up to my expectations.  

Maybe what I need to learn is that my greatest expectation should be for me to become comfortable with my true self.  It is hard to accept our shortcomings and focus on what our primary purpose truly is.  Maybe I am not ment to keep the perfect house because I am supposed to spend more time with those I love.  Maybe my "lived in" apartment is just a perfect reflection of my personality.  Somewhat of a mess at times, comfortable and organized in its own way.  

I need to realize that I have different strengths to balance me out my weaknesses.  I tend to focus more on what I should be rather than what I am.  There is a balance that needs to be struck between improving one's self and changing oneself into someone they are not.  In the grand scheme of things, what difference does it make if I don't fold up my blanket before I go to bed?  

Maybe my priorities are out of whack.  I find myself being overly concerned with saving money to  improve our lives, wondering if I am trendy enough, wishing we could travel more, and what people think of me.  I dwell on wither or not I said something stupid, or if I acted too eager for someone's friendship, or if I am perceived as annoying at times.  Maybe I should be focusing on being the kindest, most genuine person I can be.  Maybe I should be focusing on serving others and following in the footsteps of those who have led by example.  

I guess the greatest expectation is to come to terms with the person we are and "be the best version of yourself".  Now I just have to figure out how to get there.         

Three for Thursday

1. After being married for six months, I got finally went to get a driver's license in my married name.  I had been dreading going because it seemed like a long drive, even though it is the commute I used to make everyday.  I decided today was the day.  I drove all the way there to find a deserted building with two orange cones blocking the driveway.  Apparently, when we moved, so did the DMV.  Unfortunately I had no idea where they moved to.  I was able to look up the address on my phone but since it was a new building the GPS could not find it.  After an additional hour of driving around in the general area it should be, I finally arrived at the DMV, only to find out that the average wait time was 43 minutes.  I walked out 35 mins later with a new drivers license with an ok picture.  Now I just have to update my credit cards.     
2. A likes to make up creative walks.   Every time he does one it makes me laugh.  I am laughing now just thinking about it.  He will add hopes, twirls, and arm flourishes.  I can't really explain it.  You would have to see it for yourself.  
3. Yesterday I was hit with the realization that I have a very poor recipe base.  I was at the grocery store and I was trying to decide what to make for dinner.  All that came to mind was meatloaf.  I walked through the meat department to see if that would inspire me, in fact I walked through it three times, and all I came up with was meatloaf.  I am saddened by the fact that I know very few recipes by heart.  Does it mean I don't cook enough?  Didn't our mother's know how to make meals without a cookbook?  Why can't I think of anything to make for dinner!?!  

     

A Happy Return

Last night I waited anxiously for A to call with the "we're twenty minutes away" phone call that would have me jumping in the car to go meet him.  The plan was that I would meet him and W where I dropped him off and then A and I would go out for dinner.  However, that was not the way the night unfolded.  Instead, I got ready and waited for his call.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And as I started to get impatient, the door buzzer rang.  Immediately, I began to search my brain for who it could be.  Was my mom planning on stopping by?  Did my BFF decided to make a quick visit?  Was it someone from the building?  

But it was A's voice on the other end and I walked out the door to see A, standing in the cold surrounded by all his luggage with a huge grin on his face.  It might have been the best thing I have ever seen!

I couldn't wait to get down the stairs to open the door.  I can't explain how amazing it was to hear his voice and see his face.  So instead of going out for dinner, we had chinese food from our favorite place and A showed me all the great stuff he brought back.  And as much as I loved the gifts and the stories, I was just happy to have him there with me.  His presence filled our home and made everything as it should be.    

All this time a part made me grateful for all the time we are together.  I have an even greater respect for those that spend time away from their families to serve our country.  And I am grateful that my husband does not travel all that often. So as our life resumes it's normal routine, I hope to remain a little more aware of A's wonderful presence in my life.

A Blanket of Self Pity

There is a part of me that wants to curl up in a ball and cry. 

A has been gone for 7 days, 5 hours, and 3 mins, and is still uncertain as to when he will return home from his work trip.  It is likely that it will be another week before I get to see him.   The indeterminate amount of time he will continue to be away weighs heavy on my heart.  With our married life falling into a routine, I had almost forgotten how much I rely on being able to tell A about my day and feel his strong arms around me.  It makes his absence seem even bigger. 

Now I am not one to admit that I need help, or that I am dependent upon another person.  But I rely on A and his presence in my life.  At first, I was angry frustrated at this revelation.  I don't need another person to be happy, I survived just fine before him, but now I feel that something important is missing when he is gone.  

And to top it off, I started feeling sick today.  My throat and ears ache and I find myself wrapped in a blanket of self pity. I am home. alone. sick.

It may seem silly as my life is really not that bad.  I know many a military spouse who has it far worse than I, and people who struggle with illness much more severe than a cold.  But tonight I do not find comfort in these thoughts.  I am like a small child who only wants one thing and nothing else will make them happy. 

I want A home to take care of me. 

Project 52

I have an obsession with making lists.  I make lists for everything.  To-Do lists, Bill Paying lists, Shopping lists, Gift lists, lists of lists.... it goes on.  I am even guilty of adding things to my lists just so I can cross it off.  I believe this is an inherited trait that comes from my mother as she is also an avid list maker.

So, it should come as no surprise that I love the idea of Project 52.  If you are not familiar with this concept,  it is courtesy of A Peek at Karen's World.  Here is how she explains it.
There are 52 weeks in a year. We are challenging you to do something with those 52 weeks. Something you might not have done otherwise. It can be one big goal or 100 little ones.


And here is my list of the 52 things I am going to do this year (or at least try to)

1. Work on scrapbooks once a month
2. Read a book on management
3. Attend trainings for work
4. Pay off the Malibu
5. Pay off our credit card debit
6. Get my passport
7. Try one new recipe a month
8. Go camping at least 4 times 
9. Be a better friend to my girls - more calls, e-mails, etc.
10. Visit 5 new restaurants
11. Make and follow a budget
12. Use my crock pot once a month
13. Create an emergency fund so we don't need to rely on our credit cards
14. Grow an herb garden
15. Have a date night once a month
16. Take a daily multivitamin
17. Drink 8 glasses of water a day
18. Learn to juggle
19. Take a Segway tour
20. Read one classic novel
21. Host Brunch
22. Travel somewhere I have never been before
23. Work out three times a week
24. Learn how to separate work and home
25. Write one Thank-You a month
26. Purge our place of useless clutter
27. Start doing yoga again 
28. Go to a drive-in movie theater with A
29. Start "The Great Escape" with my college girlfriends instead of just talking about it
30. Read 12 new books
31. Buy a new piece of furniture 
32. Go fishing with A at least once 
33. Stop being so critical of myself and others
34. Get new glasses
35. Make bread from scratch 
36. Make our faith a greater priority
37. Do a walk/run for charity
38. Start a One Line a Day journal
39. Make homemade granola
40. Eat healthier - more fruits and veggies and less processed food
41. Eat dinner at the table with the TV off most days of the week
42. Watch less TV
43. Pray Daily
44. Learn to knit
45. Get pregnant 
46. Make the bed every morning
47. See a live performance (play, musical, concert)
48. Go golfing with A at least once 
49. Complete 5 random acts of kindness
50. Laugh Daily
51. Have more patience 
52. Donate $5 for any item not completed

I can't wait to start crossing things off!

Valentine's Day!

I will proudly admit that I love Valentine's Day.  The candy hearts, flowers, red and pink frosted cookies and cakes, the little paper valentines with cute sayings...all of it invokes warm fuzzy feelings.  


This year, A and I agreed that we would not exchange gifts.  So a few days before v-day, I went to the store and milled over the various cards to find the perfect one to express how I feel.  It took some time, but I found the perfect card for our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife.   


On the eve of the big day, A surprised me with an early Valentine's Day gift.  And though it broke the rule of not exchanging gifts, I greedily took the box and opened it.  He had got me a new chain for the cross he had bought me previously, because I had broke my last one and had not been able to wear it.  A knew I had been missing it and wanted me to be able to wear my cross on our dinner date the next evening.  His thoughtfulness was another reminder of why I am so in love with him.  


Monday came and though I was still not sure where he had made reservations for dinner, I felt I had it narrowed down to a possible three: Palmer's, The Melting Pot, (I had been dropping not so subtle hints about wanting to go there), and Kurt's, which is our standing favorite.  It ended up being Kurt's.  I was thrilled that it was one of my three possibilities, as I like to be right.  As always, the food was delicious.  We had the bruschetta (which is a must), deep fried dinner rolls, Lobster Bisque, and steaks (I had the petite fillet and A had a rib-eye).  I think the last time we went out alone for a "nice" dinner was the week we got married, so it was wonderful to have some "us" time away from our daily lives.  


It was probably  the best Valentine's Days I have had, with just enough of the commercialization, the comfort of being with someone who truly knows me, and the thrill of having a day dedicated to celebrating how much you love those around you.  


Happy Valentine's Day!

Recipe of the Month

I made these for an early Valentine's Day breakfast and they were a big hit.  I halved the recipe to only make six and also substituted pre-cooked bacon to make it a little faster/simpler.  

Maple Toast and Eggs

• Ingredients:
• 12 bacon strips, diced
• 1/2 cup maple syrup
• 1/4 cup butter
• 12 slices firm-textured white bread
• 12 eggs
• Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

• In a large skillet, cook bacon over medium heat until crisp. Using a slotted spoon, remove to paper towels to drain. In a small saucepan, heat syrup and butter until butter is melted; set aside.
• Trim crust from bread; flatten slices with a rolling pin. Brush one side generously with syrup mixture; press each slice into an ungreased muffin cup with syrup side down. Divide bacon among muffin cups.
• Carefully break one egg into each cup. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover with foil. Bake at 400° for 18-20 minutes or until the eggs are completely cooked through. Serve immediately. Yield: 12 cups.

Both the recipe and photo are from Taste of Home 

Recipe of the Month

Artichoke Spinach Casserole 

Ingredients

• 1/2 pound fresh mushrooms, sliced
• 1/6 cup chicken broth
• 1/2 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup evaporated milk
• 2 packages (10 ounces each) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
• 1 cans (14-1/2 ounces each) Hunt’s® Original Diced Tomatoes, drained
• 1 cans (14 ounces each) water-packed artichoke hearts, rinsed, drained and thinly sliced
• 1/2 cup (8 ounces) sour cream
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1 1/2 tablespoons lemon juice
• 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper
• Paprika, optional

Directions

• In a large skillet, cook mushrooms and broth over medium heat until tender, about 3 minutes. Remove mushrooms with a slotted spoon and set aside.
• Whisk flour and milk until smooth; add to skillet. Bring to a boil; cook and stir for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat; stir in spinach, tomatoes and mushrooms.
• Place half of the artichoke in an ungreased 8-in. x 8-in. baking dish. Top with half of the spinach mixture. Repeat layers. Combine sour cream, mayonnaise, lemon juice, garlic powder, salt and pepper; dollop over casserole. Sprinkle with paprika if desired.
• Bake, uncovered, at 350° for 25-30 minutes or until bubbly. Yield: 6 - 7 servings.

I made this recipe for a dinner party and I would definitely make it again!

Both the recipe and photo are  from the Taste of Home cookbook.  

For the Love of Airports

I like love airports!

I rarely travel by plane, but when I do, my favorite part is the airport.  I don't think that it is one specific thing that makes me love them the way I do, but a combination of small things.  By nature, I am a people watcher, and there are so many people to watch at the airport.  Part of what I enjoy is trying to figure out where people are going and why they are traveling.  I also love that you can find just about anything you need in an airport.  The variety of stores are either miniature versions of themselves or a souvenir shops filled with t-shirts, mugs, bags, and trinkets that no one really needs.  I love the orderliness of the whole process.  The rules that need to be followed and the procedures that are constant and predictable.  Even the waiting doesn't bother me.  I like having to read, or look around, or finish a crossword puzzle.  It is relaxing and free of guilt because I am not just sitting around, but waiting for my flight.  And then there is the anticipation of my bag coming around on the baggage carousel.  Nothing beats the relief of seeing that your luggage has also arrived safely and that you will not be left wearing the same clothes for a week.

So though I do not always enjoy my flight, I always enjoy the airport!

Big 10 of 2010

1. The  very successful surprise party I threw for A's 30th Birthday.
2. California!!
3. Opening Day for the Brewer's. 
4. A's mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and she underwent chemo and radiation. (A's mom received a clean bill of health in January!)
5. World's Largest Brat Fest in Madison! (I love food!) 
6. Was promoted and now oversee Day Camp in addition to what I already do. 
7. WE GOT MARRIED!!
8. We moved in to our new apartment. 
9. Our honeymoon in Georgia!
10. Our first "Married" holidays together.

A Week Apart

This week I am away from A for a whole week while I attend a leadership course and camping conference.  It is one of those times where I have mixed emotions. 

On one hand, I am super excited to be here.  It allows me to connect with others in my position and find the support and advice that A cannot give me due to the uniqueness of my job.  What I do, the stress I feel, and problems I face at work are something that only another person in my position can truly relate too.  I am remembering that I am not the only person who struggles with the challenges ahead and that gives me a very comforting feeling.  There is something about knowing you have a support group that can make the weight lift.

On the other hand, I hate being away from A.  I miss talking about our day and climbing into bed with him.  He provides security and comfort for me.  When we are apart, something is missing. 

I don't regret my decision to come and know that the week will fly by, but I will be so glad to return home at the end of the week to the comfort of home and the comfort of A.